Navigating the Mental Load: A Guide for Moms who are Immigrants or Children of Immigrants
Mental load refers to the invisible ongoing cognitive and emotional work required to manage a household and family life. It includes tasks like planning, organizing, remembering, and anticipating the needs of the family. This could involve tracking schedules, making decisions about meals, schooling, health care, and family events, managing emotional dynamics, and ensuring everyone feels supported.
Mental labor often requires constant attention and can be exhausting; it involves maintaining the well-being and functioning of the family on top of other responsibilities. Despite changes in societal norms, the mental load still disproportionately falls on women due to various cultural, societal, and historical factors.
Examples of Mental Load for Moms who are Immigrants and/or Children of Immigrants
For many of us moms who are immigrants or children of immigrants in the U.S., the mental load also includes navigating cultural expectations, honoring our parents’ sacrifices, breaking intergenerational trauma, and building a family life that honors both our heritage and personal values. This constant balancing can be be both fullfilling and challenging to navigate.
Let’s dive into how the mental load shows up for moms who are immigrants and children of immigrant and ways to get support around the mental load.
Carrying Forward Their Legacy
Carrying the hopes and dreams of our parents is a privilege, but it can feel like a heavy responsibility to make their sacrifices ‘worth it.’
Navigating Cultural Expectations
Balancing the cultural traditions we grew up with and the mainstream norms of American society can create tension. Deciding how to raise our children or which values to uphold takes active effort and intention, which can add to the mental load.
Breaking Intergenerational Trauma
Many of us aim to break cycles of trauma within our families as we parent. While empowering, being a cycle breaker is heavy emotional work and can sometimes add to this pressure of parenting “perfectly”
High Standards for Achievement
We’ve been raised with high expectations to achieve, and while it fuels our drive, it can sometimes make rest and balance feel out of reach.
Pursuing Multiple Roles
Being the go-to person in our families—whether it’s caregiving, career, or community—can make it feel like there's no space to slow down
Teaching your Native Language to Your Child
Creating meaningful opportunities for language learning while living in an English speaking country requires added effort and intention.
Tips for Easing the Mental Load
Set Realistic Goals
Focus on what truly matters to you and your family. Striving for progress, rather than perfection, allows room for growth and self-compassion.
Be Kind to Yourself
Treat yourself with the same care and compassion you offer to others. Remember, you don’t have to carry the weight of your family’s dreams alone. Motherhood is a journey.
Establish Boundaries
Learn to say no to commitments that drain your energy or don’t align with your values. Sharing responsibilities and the mental load with those who are part of your child’s life can ease the load.
Lean on Your Community
Seek out support from other immigrant families or parenting groups. Sharing experiences with those who understand can help normalize the challenges and reduce feelings of isolation.
Prioritize Connection
Embrace the idea of “good enough” parenting, focusing on nurturing a loving relationship with your children rather than striving for perfection.
Celebrate Your Unique Blend
Honor your cultural heritage while embracing a parenting approach that aligns with your family’s needs and values.
Practice Mindfulness
Taking time to breathe, meditate, or journal can help you stay grounded and focused amidst the mental load.
Seek Professional Support
Therapy offers a safe space to explore the mental load and break free from perfectionistic tendencies. A therapist who understands the complexities of being an immigrant mom can provide valuable insights and support.
Feeling the weight of the mental load? Therapy can provide guidance and support tailored to your journey. As a perinatal trained therapist, who is also a first-generation immigrant mama, I would be honored to provide you support and guidance.
